Wasteland

My life seems to be going down the tubes lately. I've been so stressed out. I cna't sleep and I've had a constant headache for a week. I don't know if these are caused by stress or if I'm sick but my money is on stress. If you are wondering why I'm stressed out there are many reasons. One is the fact that my mom is constantly telling me that I have no social life and that I need to find more friends. that annoys me because she acts like I don't know that. Its not as if I'm not trying to make friends. She keeps telling me to join things but that is hard when you don't have any money. Which leads me to point number two. I don't make enough money. I also don't want to leave my job. I have no idea what to do. Point three, the friends I do have are pissing me off. Well not all of them. A particular one seems to be blowing me off everytime I try and make plans and it is annoying me. They are always saying we need to hang out but then when I make the effort I get blown off. And finally, the point that has me stressing the most. Point four. My brother, his fiance, her friend, and the baby are all moving into our house. I am not happy with this situattion AT ALL. Whenever they are here they treat me like crap and I get zero attention. I end up spending the majority of the time in my bedroom. My mom treats Manda better than she treats me alot of the time. Its almost like I'm not even part of this family and I"m just an extra person who just drifted in. No one even considers my feelings. My life is turning into hell right now and I hate it. I don't know how much longer I can take it. I'm almost at my breaking point.

Working Class Hero

Hello. I don't really have much to say. I'm sick again. This time it is strep. My doctor says I should probably get my tonsils out. I really don't want to do that. I hear it is alot worse for adults than it is for kids. Being that I just got my wisdom teeth out (there were many complications with that) I'm not really up for another experience like that. What else other than being pretty much consistantly ill for the last month? I joined a kick boxing/MMA class. I like it. I get to be people up. I enjoy that. It is a great work out. I get so sore the next day. That is how you know what you are doing is working. I'm the only girl in my class so that is pretty awkward. Two of the guys are like my dads age which is pretty weird but whatever. Nothing major has really happened to me. I've been sick so I haven't had time to do anything fun really. I watched Pee Wee's Big Adventure with my dad today.

That movie is amazing. I used to watch it all the time when I was little. I just realized today how many inapropriate lines there are in that movie. Innuendos and such. Wow.


Oh I guess some things have happened. I went to Mile High Music Fest. It was AWESOME. We saw Gregory Alan Isakov, Davey Knowles and the Back Door Slam, Gomez, Paolo Nutini, Incubus, and most of Ben Harper. Oh duh! My sister-in-law had her baby! Her name is Madison Mayzee. She is precious. She was born July 20th 2009.

She is two months old now and much bigger.

So that is pretty much it.

Stepping Stone

I'm in one of those weird moods again. I've been a little unhappy with the way my life is going lately. I've decided not to go back to school as I have said before. I guess you could say that opened this whole can of worms. I'm working two jobs but only for the next week. The doctors office doesn't need me anymore so I'm out. I still have the daycare...for awhile. My health insurance stops in September. Since I'm not in school my insurance doesn't cover me. So now I need a full time job. The daycare can't give me one. That is the worst part. I love it there and I really don't want to leave. I love the kids and the staff. They treat me really well there. I've also gotten a lot of babysitting jobs from there and I don't want to lose those. I hate this. I am so upset. So there is all that mess.

Then there is the problems on the social life front. I have like zero friends. If you think I'm exaggerating, I'm not. I hang out with my parents the majority of the time. I can't really remember the last time I went out with friends. It must have been at least two months ago. I'm still single. I'm 19 and I've never had a boyfriend. How pathetic is that?

Ok enough of this pity party.

Oh What A Day

Hi. It has been a while. Since i've been done with school and picked up a second job I haven't really had the time for this, or the need really. Life hasn't been too crazy. I've been working as a filing assistant at a doctors office with my aunt as well as working at the daycare. That is pretty much all that I've been up to. The last week was pretty crazy though. My sister in law was due on Saturday the 11th. Well the 11th came and went and no baby. But on Monday we got a call at about 10:00 and my brother said that she was having contractions so we packed our bags and waited for him to call and tell us they were on their way to the hospital. He called around 12:00 telling us that her contractions had pretty much stopped so we went to bed. We then found out that her doctor is now thinking that she was actually due on Thursday the 9th so she was almost a whole week overdue. Then on Wednesday night we got a call at midnight from my brother telling us that they were going to the hospital so we rushed down there. When we got there we found out that she probably wasn't in labor and just having pains. So we chilled in the hospital room (which was FREEZING btw) until about 5 am until my parents and I finally decided that it wasn't going to happen and then we went back to my brother's house and slept. On Thursday (today) My dad and I left because we have Mile High Music Festival on Saturday and my mom stayed down there. So now Manda is officially one week overdue and her doctor won't let her get a c-section or induce her or anything. At this point it is getting ridiculous. And now my dad and I probably won't be able to go and see her when she is born because I'm really doubting she is going to wait until Saturday to pop. I'm tired, I was up all night. Goodbye.

God

Today sucks. I just found out that I am on academic probation AGAIN. I don't why my grades are so bad. I tried hard in all of my classes and I thought I was doing well in most of them. I was really only worried about one and I don't think that class could bring my GPA down a ton. But I guess it did. But the big problem now is that financial aid won't pay anymore and I cn't afford school without it. So now I am being practically forced out. Now I have to get a full time job, which means probably quitting my current job that I love with all my heart. I also have to pay for health insurance which is ridiculously expensive. My life is basically over is what I'm saying.

Legal Tender

Sick again. It sucks. This time I think it is just due to exhaustion. I haven't been sleeping very well lately. I just lay in bed for hours. My brain just won't shut off. I've also been pretty stressed at work. We have two new kids and our other two haven't moved up yet so that gives us 12 kids. It is pretty ridiculous.

So Idol was a shocker. I was pleasantly surprised when Kris won. I was pretty sure Adam was going to take it. I have a feeling Adam was pissed after though. He was so cocky from the get go he probably thought he had it in the bag.

My posts have been really short lately. I really don't have much to say.

I hope I get better by tomorrow. I have a ton of graduation parties to go to this weekend.

Another Little Hole

WARNING: THIS BLOG CONTAINS MOSTLY BITCHING, WHINING, AND SELF LOATHING.

I'm in a really werid mood. I'm mad but I'm not. I don't know. Every once in a while I have these moods where I don't like the way my life is going like at all. It usually lasts like a day or two. I'm in that mood right now.

The mood is caused by:

1. The fact that I'm a loser with very few friends

2. I hate the fact that I'm out of shape but lack the motivation to do anything about it

Lets address number one first shall we? Ok so I'm a loser with very few friends. The few people that do want to hang around me are people that I really don't like to hang around with and I find myself making up excuses to not hang with them. My lack of friends causes me to be even lazier than I already was. I spend most of my weekends watching tv and hanging out with my mom while everyone else is out having a great time with friends and doing all this stuff.

Number Two: I hate the fact that I'm out of shape and lack the motivation to do anything about it. I'm not technically overweight. I'm pretty much on the heavy side of average. But I could definitely lose like 10 pounds at least. I always tell myself that I'm going to get in shape but I always put it off. When I do get to the gym I just feel out of place. I can barely do anything on the machines. Today I found myself wishing I could go to the pool. Its not like I can't I mean I live right by it but me in a swimsuit? Not happening. I haven't been swimming in at least 2 years. I really want to start kick boxing but it costs a fortune.

I'm just not digging my life right now...

On a lighter note

65 days